The longer I am married, the more humble I become, the more I realize that my life is not my own.
Wait..what? MY life isn’t MY life? Experience is shouting a resounding “NO!” at me…on a daily basis!
Whether or not you are a follower of Christ, the moment you say “I Do”, your relationship is not FOR you! The marital relationship between a man and a woman was made BY and FOR God! He designed this earthly union to be a picture of the lifelong commitment and sacrificial love that Jesus has for His bride, His bride being the church body of believers.
Let me be the FIRST to admit that my commitment to my long suffering husband has NOT been anything close to resembling the design God intended it to be! Sure, my hubby has plenty of faults of his own, but out of respect for him, I prefer not to air his dirty laundry. I have no problem, however, airing my own! My part in our marriage has been one given from a self-serving posture, much of the time! Whoda thunk that marriage wasn’t meant to fulfill my every need, want, and whim??
Happiness, great sex, and freedom in communication in a marriage is awesome, and God WANTS that for your marriage, but these benefits are not the PURPOSE for your marriage.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that you being “happy” has NOTHING to do with having a successful marriage! I’ll even take it a step further and say that people in such a privileged position often falter and abandon that calling because they are no longer “happy” with the person they vowed to spend the rest of their days on earth loving and caring for!
Yes, God wants you to be happy, but He wants you to be humble even more so! Marriage is NOT designed to make you happy. Marriage IS meant to refine you, strip you of your selfishness, and make you humble. Recently, my beloved and I went through an extremely cold winter in our marriage! I was NOT happy or content being his wife, and he was quite unhappy with me! Had we obeyed those feelings of discontent, we would be divorced right now, and missing out on this amazing journey through a lush pasture of spiritual growth and emotional healing! Not to mention the trauma that divorce would inflict upon us individually, and upon our beautiful children. I am my husband’s second wife, and I have seen first-hand what divorce did to his 3 older daughters!
Feelings are NOT meant to be our guiding light through life. In case you haven’t noticed, emotions waver more than a drunk college student, during Mardi Gras, on Bourbon Street! Our feelings can get us into SO much trouble, because they are affected by EVERYTHING!!! Bad day at work or at home with the kids, and we are pissy. The same applies if we are having a day where everything is going our way. We feel happy and optimistic. Got PMS?…um..nuff said!! Emotions are simply an “alarm” that we should use to prompt ask God to search us and show us what those feelings mean so that we can make prayerfully informed decision, in order to maximize the chances of a favorable outcome.
Secondly, marriage isn’t meant to be for your satisfaction! Does God want you to have great sex? Yes!
Let me repeat myself. YES…God wants you to have amazing sex!! He designed it and everything He makes is perfect and awesome!! Since we live in a fallen creation, this isn’t always the case. The enemy of our souls has twisted, cheapened, and perverted this beautiful gift from God. In the context of a committed marriage is the ONLY biblical place to enjoy this gift and most of us screwed that one up right out of the raging, hormonal gates of Teendom! Sex is no longer seen as a glue that is meant to bond 2 souls, 2 bodies together in a holy covenant…until death. Instead, sex is just something people do for fun or because they have developed an addiction to those amazing endorphins that orgasm releases.
I submit that marriage is meant to SANCTIFY (to make holy) you, not to SATISFY you! I have found that if I seek the world’s way of forming my marriage, I am ALWAYS dissatisfied! There is always some deficient to be agonized and nit-picked, something….hollow about it! In the years I spent searching for these missing pieces, my heart has been lead astray in relationships with men that were not my husband. Exciting and passionate, though they were, they were always temporary satisfaction that ALWAYS left shame, and a huge hole that their presence once filled. I still ache…deeply! I still experience a stab of pain at a memory and tears because I know it was a forbidden something not meant for me and I took it anyway. I may always hurt inside. I don’t know. Only time will tell. My point being, is that since I’ve ceased digging through the world’s dumpster to find things to try to beautify my marriage, and have chosen to do it God’s way, I could NOT be more satisfied!
I am whole!
I am full!
I AM HAPPY! Not because we both suddenly became perfect for each other, because we aren’t! Not because we never disagree, because we do! NOT because I’m getting everything I’ve ever wanted in life, because I’m not!
I’m experiencing these things because I finally realized who I am…and more importantly WHOSE I am! I was drawing my identity from my husband, and my lovers. And SURPRISE! They all fell short of God’s design for who I was to be as His daughter!
Having said all of this, I will close with a simple statement.
If you are seeking AND following God’s will for your marriage, you WILL find an intimacy that brings both happiness AND satisfaction!!
It’s simple, but it isn’t easy!